Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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