So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
