ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
