Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize