OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize