just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize