listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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