Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
