I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
this is an emotional support booty call
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
