I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
