Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
