she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
