I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
