Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
