her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
