I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
