i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
