do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
