remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
