my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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