but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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