My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
