when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
