Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
