It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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