he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
