I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
