I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
