I'm eating all of the evidence.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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