what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
