Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
