her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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