I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
