They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
