This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
