I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm always down for nudity.
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