I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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