i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
