at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Text me some of your sweat
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
