i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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