I look better un-naked...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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