this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I AM VODKA MAN
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
