You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
