the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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