drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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