Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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