the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
