Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
