please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Your dad touched me again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
