oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
