Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wear drunk well.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
