i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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