glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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