Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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