Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
