I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize