Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
