thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
