pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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