We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
