True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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