took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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