I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
