"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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