yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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