I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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