I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
