You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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