It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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