Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Less talking, more tequila
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
