Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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